Journal Entry

I am suffering right now. i am focusing myself in meditation and reflection to ease that suffering.

sometimes i wish myself to harden my heart, to close down, to safeguard against another imperfect human... to safeguard myself against my own mistaken actions...

sometimes i want to go far away.. another everything...
sometimes i want other people to go far away... time & space
sometimes i want to be cared about so much that another would make sure they never hurt me...
sometimes i want to be irreplaceable and unforgettable..
sometimes i wish that noone knew me at all...
sometimes i fear that noone really knows me at all.

Throughout my life i have had to just experience the pain, retreat, reflect,
and then it seems,
i always go back out there and offer my love.
incredibly, i aways reach out for Love's hand...

"give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the the hand of Life can contain your hearts." (-Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet.)

i turn to Higher Powers and keep trust that i am beloved and that i will not be betrayed by the Higher Power.
I have learned that i must turn all the hurt and fear over to It.

i pray that i will learn what i'm meant to learn and will be bathed in the Light after the tunnel is endured. i've learned to call it Faith.

i've come to realize there is always light even within the tunnel... it comes out from my heart.

Always the tunnel ends. Always.


i pray for protection and guidance.
I pray for wisdom and discipline.
i pray for compassion and love.
i pray for a long and deep dive through Life.

A-ho.

i bow in gratitude to all who have read my heart-words.